Grieving The Loss of a Pet

Last updated: November 23, 2023

It is with great sadness I share that my sweet Buddy has passed. I truly debated whether I should create a post dedicated to his death, but given writing is so therapeutic for me, I have found that I am unable to write of nothing else until I have acknowledged and processed the tremendous heartache of his absence from my life. I pride myself on being transparent and authentic here, and to act like this hasn’t happened or continue sharing my adventures without my furry sidekick next to me in photos would feel dishonest. This terrible thing has happened and just like the good things I share, I feel it’s important to also share the bad.

If you didn’t already know, Buddy was a mutt, with his dominate breed being a Rat Terrier. I found him half dead on the side of the road back in 2010, and while I didn’t initially intend to keep him because of my busy schedule, he very quickly won me over with his pleading eyes and eagerness to please. Just look at this face he’d give when I’d pack him up to take him to the pound. #ThoseEyes

The Four Comforts

I could not even say the words “Buddy died” until the second week after his untimely passing and it has taken me almost a month to be able to write those words. Everyone processes grief differently. Given I am a natural optimist, I try to find the good in every situation and the passing of my beautiful boy was no exception. I began to look for comfort I desperately needed in any way I could find it…

Comfort #1: Buddy had a beautiful life. In 2010, Buddy became a permanent member of the Soto household and unbeknownst to me, I would gain the best fur-friend of my life… one that would last 13 years. Now, I don’t know how old buddy was when I adopted him, but he certainly wasn’t a puppy. The vet estimated 2-3 years old and I have no idea what his life was before me, but let me tell you; his life after me? A jackpot. I honestly didn’t know I was capable of cultivating so much love for an animal. This little guy became the only one who could out-hike me. Little did either one of us know, he’d end up hiking hundreds of miles with me over the years and even flying across the country with me to hike National Parks. He’d get an official work badge and wear bow ties that matched my outfits and go to work with me while everyone ooohed and ahhhed over what a handsome boy he was. His love for snacks that had him burst into dancing by just the mere mention of the word made all who witnessed the snack dance laugh and smile. I could go on and on but I say all of that to say this: there is comfort in knowing that I gave Buddy the absolute best life that a dog could have. He went to bed every night safe, warm, with a full belly, and extra happy. If you’ve recently lost a pet and gave them a happy life, please take a moment to reflect on that and find peace knowing it’s because of YOU they were happy. I know it doesn’t bring them back or fix everything but wow; what a beautiful thing to do.

Comfort #2: Buddy did not suffer. He died immediately and while I can dream all day long that he would have died a peaceful death of old age, I truly don’t know how he would have naturally died. Perhaps he would have been sick and suffered for a long time. God knows my heart and I would have done everything in my power to make him live as long as possible, which would have extended his suffering. While I do not wish a tragic/early death on any animal, I’m really glad Buddy had zero suffering. If you’ve lost a pet tragically/suddenly, I hope you can find comfort knowing their last thoughts were of their next treat or the next car ride… not of how much pain they were experiencing.

Comfort #3: I got to experience the joy of Buddy being in my life for THIRTEEN YEARS. This is a significant amount of time to own a dog! That’s 4,745 mornings of Buddy snuggles and seeing his eyes light up at the first sight of me when he opened them. That’s 4,745 days of a wagging tail and happy dances at the simplest of things that made me laugh out loud more times than I can count, and 4,745 days of pure Buddy love that brought me a happiness like no other. I got to be Buddy’s mom for 4,745 days, and I thank God for that time. Yes it was supposed to have been longer but it could have been much much shorter… if you were able to have the joy of your dog in your life for a long time, stop now and have a moment of gratitude for all those days you had your sweet baby. What did we do to deserve our sweet angels unconditional love for even one day? Yet we had it for years! That in and if itself is such a lovely thing. There is much comfort knowing I had Buddy’s loving companionship as part of my life for 13 whole years. What a blessing that was!

Comfort #4: I was able to bury him. In those couple of weeks after his passing, I visited him every morning and every time I got out of my vehicle because he was the first one I saw every morning when I woke up and every time I came home and opened the door. I felt like I owed him this and I don’t know how much it actually helped with healing but I found comfort knowing his body was close and I could talk to him and tell him what a good boy he was and how much I loved and missed him. If you are wondering if you should keep your pets body, either buried or cremated, I would recommend you do so. Visiting Buddy after his passing provided great comfort, especially the days/weeks immediately following his death.

I feel the need to pause here and say the amount of tears that have poured down my face thus far by writing these words feels like an ocean. I do not take mine or your pet’s death lightly… I’m simply sharing the thought process I went through the weeks after my sweet Buddy’s passing.

Finding Peace

Now, if you’ve had the blessing of being with your dog in their last moments and they died naturally/you were expecting their death, I am so happy for you and I hope you do not take for granted that you were able to tell them goodbye and hold them in your arms as they passed. While this was my plan for Buddy, it’s unfortunately not what happened as Buddy died unexpectedly in a tragic accident while I was out of state. I came back the second I was informed of his passing, but I cannot put into words the emptiness I carried due to his early death and not being able to say goodbye. Buddy was approximately 16 years old and while I would have loved nothing more than for him to be immortal, I know there is only so long a dog can live… even if they are in perfect health, so I had begun preparing myself for his inevitable natural death of old age. The average lifespan for a rat terrier is 12-18 years, with the oldest one living until 21. I estimated that I only had maybe 2-4 years left with him, and was aiming for him to make it 20. I honestly had high hopes as I took him for full lab panels (and dental cleanings) every six months like clockwork. Even his Veterinarian for the past three years was astonished each time with how perfect everything came back. She would say, “I just can’t believe these lab results for his age… their perfect! I’d never guess he was a senior.” I contributed his health to the many many miles I had hiked/walked/ran him… almost every day for 13 years! I was truly proud of how healthy he was for his age and how old he was… I told everyone that met him, “Can you believe he’s 16 years old? Look at how he acts like a puppy!”… and he did! Jumping around, dancing… always ready for the next adventure. He unfortunately had a collapsed trachea that was steadily getting worse but we were managing it with liquid Hydrocodone. That was literally the only thing wrong with him. I really feel like he could have possibly made it past 21 and set a new record! So the fact that he passed when I know he had a good 2-4 years left tormented me beyond belief and I could not move on without finding a way to fill the empty hole this left in my heart. I just kept thinking that I was supposed to have him for so many more years. It just felt so unfinished (and unfair!!!). I did all the right things to make sure he was healthy. The right food, the vet visits, the heart worm prevention, all the exercise and good for him snacks (like organic fruits, eggs and veggies!). I truly believe that if Buddy had died naturally in my arms as planned, I would have had complete peace about his passing. Of course I’d be heartbroken, but I would have known that he lived as long as possible and I’m 100% positive that would have been the end of my pet ownership days. I feel that I was born to be Buddy’s mom from the day I found him until his natural death and since he died early, my mission was interrupted and that just didn’t sit well with me. I was so unsettled! His last years were stolen.. my pet ownership wasn’t supposed to end this way.

About two weeks after his passing, I decided that I had to find a way to obtain some type of peace. Since Buddy’s early death is what bothered me the most, the only thing I could think to do was find an elderly dog and give them the last few years that were supposed to go to Buddy. This would accomplish 3 things:

1. Close the gap on the last couple of years Buddy should have been alive. I was supposed to be taking care of him during those years… I was not meant to be dogless during this time.
2. Give a senior dog a second chance at life. No one wants a senior dog. The puppies? They fly off the shelf. But not old, broken down dogs sitting in shelters with gray faces.
3. Something good would come from Buddy’s death. This was by far the most important for me. Giving the years that Buddy was supposed to be alive to an elderly dog who would likely die in a cage while waiting to be adopted or be euthanized early because no one wanted them means Buddy’s death would not be in vain. A beautiful thing could come out of something terrible.

So after bursting into tears at my desk one day, I googled “adopt a senior dog near me” and this was the first return on the search:

I don’t know what I was expecting to find, but a Rat Terrier named Buster sure was a surprise! When I clicked on the picture and read the description, I knew immediately I was meant to adopt this dog.

After seeing that he was admitted for adoption after his owner passed only a week before Buddy passed, I contacted the shelter, and sure enough, he was still waiting for adoption. There had been no interest from anyone to adopt him and after sharing my story with the shelter owner, she checked my vet reference and approved me to adopt him. She wound up waiving the adoption fee because she said she knew he was going to a good home and that’s all she ever wanted for her animals.

I brought Buster home on October 7, just three weeks after losing Buddy. I want to be very clear: this is not a replacement for Buddy. He could never be replaced, and I was quick to tell Buddy this. I know he would not be offended. I can wholeheartedly say Buddy would approve. He loved other dogs, and since he was an unwanted dog who was adopted… well, I just know he smiled on this idea. I could see his smile with his tongue hanging out when I told him what I was doing… he definitely approves. Here they both are:

This is how I have found peace in my beautiful boy’s passing. I’m not saying this is the answer for everyone, but for me to come together with a very sad dog who has recently lost the person he loved the most while I have recently lost the dog that I loved the most has brought peace. Buster has been here almost four weeks now and we are helping each other through our grief. He is still very sad, as am I, but we are sad together and that is helping us bond. I know I have done the right thing and I consider it an honor to give this old guy the years that were supposed to be Buddy’s. I am sure I would not have rescued Buster (or any other dog) if Buddy had died like I’d preferred… naturally in my arms. I’m truly at peace now and while my heart is still broken, the hole is no longer there. Here is Buster after a month from being that scared dog in the adoption photo:

I want to give a huge shout out to all who expressed empathy and grieved Buddy’s death along side of me… I cannot put into words how much it meant that you reached out and that you loved Buddy. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You provided great comfort to me during this time.

• My loving husband, Kristopher Soto
• My mother-in-law, Wanda Misier
• My parents. Denny and Tina Morrow
• My brother and sister-in-law, Jered and Krystal Morrow
• My step-sons, Kody, Konnor and Karson Soto
• My co-workers, Lori Curtis, Connie Many, Steffi Rusk, and Debbie Paik-Simerly.

In closing, I’ll share the gravestone I had made for Buddy. My weekends have been full with travel, but I plan to spend a lot of time on Buddy’s grave this spring to make it over the top beautiful with fresh dirt, flowers, and stones… It’s been so hard to do anything except grieve him because life does not stop and it took all the energy I had to just get up and go to work… the thought of designing a grave was just too much immediately after his passing. For now, his tombstone is enough. I’ll provide an update this spring once I’ve got his grave all spruced up.

Buddy brought me so much joy these past 13 years. My life was better because he was in it and frankly, it will never be the same now that he’s gone. I’ve said this and so much more to Buddy since he passed. Having a character limit on his gravestone was hard, but this summarizes what I would say to him if he could hear me one last time.

If you’re experiencing the loss of a beloved pet, I pray you find comfort and peace. While the pain of losing Buddy will always be with me, and my heart will never truly be healed, I do have comfort and peace that I’ve found this past month in the most unexpected things. I pray you find them as well… whatever they may be.

Here’s the earliest photo of Buddy I could find (2010) verses one of the most recent (2023). I never noticed how much he aged due to his boundless energy and adventurous spirit.

A huge shout out to Heart of Alabama Save Rescue Adopt for all of their work to find homes for all the homeless and abused animals… I am overwhelmed with the lives they save! Please consider donating to them or your local shelter. If you can’t spare the extra change, be a foster parent to make room for new animals in need of support!

I wouldn’t be true to myself or my belief system if I didn’t beg of all who read this to ADOPT! So many homeless dogs are awaiting their forever homes and will reward you with loyal and grateful hearts. Please don’t support breeders when so many shelter dogs are euthanized every day. Visit your local shelter to adopt the pet who has been waiting on you. You could give a dog on death row this life!👇🏼

Dear God,

Thank you so much for sending Buddy to me and allowing me to be his mom for thirteen whole years. I will always cherish the time You gave me with him. I didn’t know I needed him, but You did and I am eternally grateful for the furry blessing of unconditional love that was Buddy.

Thank you for Buster. Please help him as he grieves the loss of his mom. While I cannot take her place, I pray that You will help me be the support Buster needs to find the ability to love and be happy again. I pray You ease his anxiety and fear of being in strange new place and that he finds comfort in my presence and senses the the love I have for him. Please give him many more happy, healthy years.

Please help myself and others who have lost their four-legged family members. I thank You for the peace and comfort You’ve given me during this terrible time. Help others find comfort and peace that only You can give and when the right time comes, send them their next furry angel to walk along side them with a wagging tail and happy heart.

Most of all, please let our babies be waiting for us on the other side as I can’t imagine a better heaven than spending an eternity with them, my loved ones, and You.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen.

If your fur-baby is still by your side today, snuggle them extra hard tonight for me in honor of Buddy who loved all the snuggles. 🐶 💜

If you’ve lost your sweet angel, feel free to honor their memory by sharing their story in the comment section below found at the very bottom of this page.👇🏼